Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
