i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
