he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
