hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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