The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
