ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
