literally had 100 drinks last night.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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