If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize