There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
