You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
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Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
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He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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