And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
