Yo dont text me then not text me
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
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Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
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Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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