she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
