absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
