Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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