i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
