Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
