While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
