Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
