I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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