just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
