Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
