the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
