1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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