oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
