White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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