my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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