She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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