I think I am morally bankrupt
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
