Moan for me like Helen Keller
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
