I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
