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I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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