And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
