And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
