Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
