What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
