Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
