Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
