The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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