when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
