I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
