Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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