take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize