Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
