I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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