No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
