So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
