Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
