I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
