Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
