HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
