i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
