i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
