You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
