you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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