if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize