listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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