It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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