He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize