Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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