We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
