I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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