You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
