shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
