you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
