smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
