So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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