Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
