Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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