I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
