i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
