we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
