I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
