Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
