I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
