you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
