Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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