Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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